I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
