420 ftw
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
