You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
