He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
