Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
