Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
