k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
