God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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