sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
