come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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