i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
