Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
