break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
