We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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