You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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