I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
