Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't like sucking hair
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize