Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
