so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
