walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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