I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
