do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
