so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
