So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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