Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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