sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
