I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
