you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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