brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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