dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
