Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
