remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize