You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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