there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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