it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
