piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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