What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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