It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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