a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
