Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
