If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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