Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
