I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize