she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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