And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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