Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
