uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
