so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My pussy is not your playground.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hippo gnu deer
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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