She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
