So drunk its hurt
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
