Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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