she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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