I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
