There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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