so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
