its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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