Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
