we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
