My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
