he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
