I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
