I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize