All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
