You can't motorboat a personality
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
