I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
