He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
