70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
