walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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