so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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