Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
