Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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