I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
