my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There are leaves in my underwear?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
