we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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