I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
