I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
