we're chasing vodka with high fives
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Alive.
So much puke
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
