apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
