You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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