Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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