im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
