Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
