someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
