I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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