I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
