Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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