im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
